Grim Reaper Matt Hancock prefaced his Commons announcement of yet another ruinous lockdown in London, Hertfordshire and Essex with a blood-curdling warning about a new super strain of coronavirus which has just been identified by ‘the science’. Presumably, this ingenious variant only attacks people in pubs not gyms, and restaurants not shops. Even so, it’s … Read more
Chief Scientific Adviser Patrick Vallance has been forced to admit that there’s no evidence locking down pubs and restaurants saved a single life or stopped the spread of Covid. Vallance, one of the Two Ronnies of Doom, also confessed to MPs that the 10pm curfew was plucked out of thin air. It was a ‘policy … Read more
Boris Johnson is promising Tory MPs all kinds of concessions to head off a revolt over the latest Covid restrictions. The lockdown will be kept under constant review. Low-risk areas may be shifted from Tier Three to Tier Two. The rules could be relaxed mid-December and abandoned altogether by the end of January. Believe that … Read more
The headline in the Mail on Sunday just about summed it all up: ‘It’s Nut Nut not Nut Nuts!’ Eh? I’m sorry, just run that by me again. Apparently, Boris Johnson’s girlfriend is known disparagingly as ‘Princess Nut Nut’ not ‘Princess Nut Nuts’, writes our political editor. On social media, ‘allies of Dominic Cummings’ use … Read more
Chad Hanging and Brit Limey are alive and well and working for America’s ABC News. This column’s fictional anchorman and London bureau chief have been reporting on Britain’s reaction to the U.S. election. On Saturday night, ABC announced that: ‘Fireworks lit up the night sky over London, England, after Joe Biden was characterised to be … Read more
Like Peter Finch’s deranged newsreader in the 1976 movie Network, Shelley Tasker is mad as hell and isn’t going to take it any more. As England was pitchforked into another debilitating lockdown, she set up an amplifier on the steps of Truro Cathedral, grabbed a microphone and began telling passers-by what’s ‘really going on’ in … Read more
So much for Churchill Reincarnate. If this was 1940, Boris would be cowering in his bunker beneath Horse Guards Parade and waving the white flag. As the bombs rained down, he’d order the population to stay indoors, huddled under the stairs or in flimsy, back-garden, corrugated iron Anderson shelters, and stand down The Few to … Read more
The Government has set up an online careers advice service for the four million people who could find themselves out of work when the furlough scheme expires at the end of this month. Those whose jobs will no longer exist are being encouraged to retrain by filling in a skills questionnaire designed to determine what … Read more
The Government keeps insisting that there’ll be no hard border in Ireland when the Brexit transition period ends. But there will be one in Kent, apparently. Lorry drivers will need a permit to enter the county to prove they have the correct EU customs documentation. The measure has been drawn up to avoid congestion at … Read more
Boris Johnson is today expected to announce further restrictions on our freedom aimed at preventing an upsurge in coronavirus. Like Al Pacino, as Michael Corleone in Godfather III, just when we thought we were out, they pull us back in. The new rules could include forcing pubs to close either early or altogether, rescinding efforts … Read more