Why are soaps so obsessed with splitting couples up only to get them back together again? Most characters marry multiple times, and they often get spliced to the same person twice.
It took hit-and-run accidents for Coronation Street’s Gary and Sarah and Emmerdale’s Moira and Cain to realise they still hold candles for one another.
Viewers must have lost track of how many times Corrie’s Nick and Leanne have split up and fallen back in love. And it’s the same on/off story for Carla and Peter.
Phil had chucked his wife Sharon out when EastEnders finished its run, but when it resumes they’ll undoubtedly get back together for what will be the fourth time.
Daniel invites prostitute and Sinead-lookalike Nicky (pictured) to his flat for dinner and hands her one of Sinead’s old cardigans in Coronation Street
It’s all the more puzzling, then, that Emmerdale’s David was using a dating app last week. Doesn’t he know it’s soap law that he’s only allowed to get romantically involved with his neighbours?
Priya will be back on the market soon, I suspect, so she and David can pick up where they left off. Who knows, maybe they won’t even need to get run over first.
CORONATION STREET: SINEAD’S SAUCY STAND-IN
Daniel is desperate for another creepy date with prostitute and Sinead-lookalike Nicky. This time he invites her to his flat where he cooks her dinner and hands her one of Sinead’s old cardigans to put on.
Nicky suggests Daniel might be better off talking to his family, but when your siblings are Tracy and Peter Barlow you can understand why a call-girl seems a safer bet.
Nicky advises Daniel to talk to his family in Coronation Street. Pictured: Sinead
Abi is thrilled when social services agree to let her say goodbye to the twins before they start a new life in Australia. But disaster strikes at the garage when her arm gets trapped in a car and she’s taken to hospital, missing the meeting.
Does that mean it’s Abi’s turn to wear the nose tube they insert in every patient at Weatherfield General?
With Eileen away in Thailand, Sean and Mary open her post to discover a letter from Todd demanding £1,000.
Sean texts Todd to tell him they’ll leave the money in Victoria Gardens, then plants a bag of fake notes while he, Billy and Mary keep watch.
Will Todd turn up or is it a scam? And has anyone told him the rather grand-sounding Victoria Gardens is actually just a 6ft-square plot of wasteland in front of the Co-op?
EMMERDALE: IS IT GOODNIGHT FOR DAWN?
Malone (pictured) holds a gun to Dawn’s head and tempts her to overdose in this week’s Emmerdale
Please someone make this tedious Malone and Harriet story go away. For weeks we’ve endured endless variations on Malone declaring his love for Harriet, Harriet sending him packing, and someone getting clobbered over the head in the furore.
This time Malone, having learnt Dawn has made a complaint against him, presents Dawn with a wrap of heroin and a syringe, holds a gun to her head and tempts her to overdose.
It looks to be the end for her but will a saviour come to her rescue? And if so, will Malone be the goner? Let’s hope so. Mark Womack is a fine actor, but this plot has been milked more than Moira’s cows.
Jamie decides it’s time to go public with Belle, even though she thinks it’s too soon.
But before they make that call Nate overhears Jamie on the phone to his mother talking about everything he and Belle have been through.
Later Nate quizzes Belle, who confesses it was Jamie who knocked Moira down. Will Nate leak the news? And if he does, will it make Jamie any less boring?
Gabby grows closer to Leyla, who offers her an apprenticeship at Take a Vow – the wedding company that seems to ruin every wedding it organises. Gabby is racked with guilt at her campaign of terror against Leyla, including trashing Take A Vow’s offices.
Elsewhere, Vinny is convinced he can get Mandy back together with his dad Paul. A pint and some pork scratchings should do it.
EASTENDERS: PAT’S UNDIES ARE HER UNDOING
Peggy slaps Pat and Frank (pictured) in an archived episode of EastEnders from 2 November 2000
There’s nothing like a shaming in front of a packed Queen Vic, and the one dished out on 2 November 2000 was a belter.
In this week’s re-run episode Peggy, about to renew her vows to husband Frank, finds he’s been having an affair with his ex, Pat. Peggy reads Frank’s ‘I’m leaving you’ letter to the pub and then slaps Pat and Frank.
Pat tells husband Roy the affair meant nothing, and he’s prepared to give her a second chance until he sees the saucy underwear and massage oil in her running-away suitcase.
‘Once a tart, always a tart,’ he shouts as he throws Pat (and her undies) onto the street.